


if only in my dreams

by strawberryfinn



Category: One Direction (Band), X Factor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Military, Army, Christmas, Drabble, M/M, Soldiers, this is really short i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 01:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryfinn/pseuds/strawberryfinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry runs a hand over his buzzed head, and Liam winces even though he’s known Harry hasn’t had his curls for awhile—for the last six months he’s been in Iraq. Harry looks impossibly tired, body stretched too thin. Liam thinks, he needs <i>me</i> to take care of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if only in my dreams

“We both knew this was a possibility,” Harry says, shifting. Liam can barely make him out in the pixelated image on the webcam, and he quickly says, “Harry, sit still,” because he only gets so long with Harry, only gets these few precious minutes a week, wants to make the most of it. But Harry's continuing, voice muffled, “I'm sorry, Liam. I want to be home too... I miss you.”

 

“It was my birthday first,” Liam manages in a tinny voice, trying not to sound accusatory. He pulls his knees close to his chest as he reaches out to stroke the Harry's face on the computer screen, imagining tanned skin under his finger-tips. “And now it's this. Are you ever gonna come back, Harry?”

 

Harry runs a hand over his buzzed head, and Liam winces even though he's known Harry hasn't had his curls for awhile—for the last six months he's been in Iraq. Harry looks impossibly tired, too old for his skin, dark circles under his dark green eyes, body stretched too thin. He's lost weight, Liam thinks, he needs _me_ to take care of him.

 

“I got your care package, Li,” Harry says, changing the subject, “all the lads down here are real jealous.”

 

Liam takes a deep breath, and pretends, for Harry, because that's all he's been doing lately. His life has become a compilation of gestures: he says all the right things, thanks people the way he's expected to, tells people it's hard, but he loves Harry, he supports him, it'll be okay. But it hasn't been okay since Harry came in, telling him he was doing it for _them_. It hasn't been okay since Harry got on the plane, leaving Liam alone, vision blurred with tears. And maybe it _won't_ be okay, maybe for New Year's he'll get Harry home in a body bag, and he just _can't._ “I'm glad you liked it—Niall championed the crisps quite hard.”

 

“Good,” Harry smiles, and Liam pockets it, because he knows Harry's smiles are hard to come by, fleeting, rare. “Say hi to him for me, yeah? Give him a hug.”

 

“Yeah,” Liam replies, his eyes filling with moisture in spite of himself. “Yeah, I will.”

 

They're silent, Harry fiddling with his metal canteen, Liam's eyes drifting over to the bedroom, unopened Christmas presents meant for Harry, Christmas cards addressed to the both of them—ones that feel wrong to open without Harry there.

 

“I love you, Liam,” Harry says suddenly, “you know that, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Liam sighs, giving Harry a watery smile. “That's why I married you.”

___________________________

That night, Liam wakes up alone, knowing Harry is anxious, across the world in an unfamiliar country in an unfamiliar bed. The distance has scattered them apart like a handful of sand, making it nearly impossible for them to come back together near the same ocean.

 

It's the first Christmas he's spent without Harry by his side. Liam knows Harry is pacing, dessed in army fatigues, short, strange hair unkempt, face covered in dust. He can hear the _ba-dum, ba-dum_ of Harry's heart as an explosion sounds off in the distance. He sees Harry reach for his canteen, water spilling down chapped lips that haven't been kissed by someone who loves him in the last six months. He feels Harry tossing and turning in his sheets, willing the ache in his heart to lift.

 

Liam curls himself up on the bed, imagining fingers brushing the side of his ribcage, a hand working its way softly through his hair, the thrum of a familiar heartbeat against his back. He thinks about a kiss pressed to the nape of his neck, sweet nothings spoken into his skin. He waits for Harry to sleep, whispers, “Happy Christmas, love,” before tucking himself into his thin sheets, cupping a hand on the heart he has long since given away.

**Author's Note:**

> part of a 12 days of christmas challenge on Tumblr. nozaynnogain.tumblr.com
> 
> Song: I'll Be Home for Christmas


End file.
